


Not in a million year

by charlotte2594



Category: Glee
Genre: Age Difference, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 00:50:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4586733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlotte2594/pseuds/charlotte2594
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A promising accessories designer Kurt Hummel happens to be a fashion magazine editor, David Karofsky's Mr. Right.<br/>But David is not on Kurt Hummel's list; not on bf material's, not on sexy-on-a-stick's, not even on tolerable ones'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not in a million year

**Author's Note:**

> As you may notice later, I do not have a strict OTP, so either exit politely or be prepared to see loads of unusual pairings. *smirk*  
> I'd very much appreciate if you could leave your comments just so I can improve in the future.

" **NOT** in a million year!" Kurt stressed the word 'not', flailing his left hand to emphasise his feelings of disgust.

"Here comes a victim of Murphy's law," Sebastian smirked, "call me when you inevitably fall in love with him, who is, as I quote, 'out of your scrutinized list'."

"Make your boyfriend shut up, Rach." Kurt said, nodding to Rachel, who was comfortably lying besides Sebastian.

"Kurt, you know, it couldn't be THAT bad, maybe he's quite sweet or capable of making lovely cookies or something, why don't you just try and give him and yourself a chance?" chewing her salad, Rachel suggested.

"Seriously Rach, how long have you been on a diet?" Hunter teased, and owched when Sebastian kicked him lightly.

"Not helping, not helping!" Kurt said, then he ducked his head, "I will die alone and the last word I say would be 'shoot', because my enormous pets are going to eat me alive!"

"Honey, no need to be so...pessimistic," Rachel leaned to touch his hand, and replied Sebastian's comment "be so drama queen as usual"with an elbow to his mid-section.

"Yeah, Hunt and I were like one of those impossible no-no pairings, believe me, I thought that too: 'me and Hunter Clarington? Not in a million year would he and I make it work'. Sorry honey," pecking a apologetic kiss on Hunter's cheek, who was pouring him a cup of coffee and pouting, Blaine continued, "But then sometimes you just need to be more, well, adventurous. Like John Smith you know."

"Really? That's your comforting line, Blaine?" Sebastian laughed, as Rachel hid her smile behind the salad bowl, even Kurt was grinning.

"I think that's endearing." Hunter declared, though his lips suspiciously curved.

"Oh, I believe it was, it's just that I didn't know you had a such a Disney princess kink though," Sebastian sipped his coffee, his eyes went wide as Hunter's cheeks turned as crimson as Blaine's.

"Drink your coffee Seb," Blaine cleared his throat, "we should focus on the man Kurt's going to date, what's his name? Dave?"

"it's David Karofsky, the one I was going to ignore and just told you guys as a JOKE before you pestering me with details, thank you very much." Kurt answered dryly.

"Shut up Kurt, I am not going to a funeral with cats or dogs which happen to be the murderers." Rachel retorted, putting down her bowl and started writing something on the pad she grabbed from her bag.

"Okay....so he is a fashion magazine editor, Russian, 32 perhaps, a bit chubby, majors in boho chic, colour me impressed..." Rachel read as she doodled some sort of signs only she could decipher, not even Sebastian, who was tilting his head watching her writing.

"Oh, and asked you out at the first day working, very bold I must say....with a box of chocolate, attaboy...yummy too..."Rachel continued, "and you my friend, are an accessories designer, very promising yet haven't gotten laid for a year...vibrators trump plugs...but the decorated ones would be just per-"

"Rachel Barbra Berry!! I swear to-"

"Shoosh, bachelor, she's working."Hunter said, getting amused by Sebastian's pale look and didn't mind to be the recipient of the so-called dead glare from Kurt E. Hummel. (FYI, he had burnt cheeks and lobes so that glare wasn't scary at all.)

"I guess I don't need to say this might be Ms. Berry's SOP?" he remarked condescendingly.

"Diligent, of course."Blaine joined in.

"Fuck, Rach, please, don't tell me you made a list of me as well." Sebastian finally said to his girlfriend with a shake in his voice.

"Er, sweetie, I must have done that, otherwise how do you think I accepted a man to be my boyfriend who happens to be attracted by men more than ladies?"Rachel replied with a shrug, not even bothering to give him a look.

This time Sebastian was the one looked pale and weak, and the rest of men all found it rather amusing. Of course, Kurt was the exception.

"...all....right, here," Rachel put her work on the table. "see these lines? That's what I personally think you and David might get alone pretty well, quite a lot actually, and these few with stars mean that Kurt, you have to find out, such as whether he came out or not, likes cooking or preferably enjoys eating, and these," she pointed, "these are the reasons why you think dating him is not a good idea."

"Wait, why did you even write down these turnoffs? I mean that's definitely not a good way to persuade people into a relationship."Hunter argued, biting his lower lip to not say the rest of the sentence: "or so this only suits Sebastian." A furious Rachel Berry, hum, no thanks.

"Be-cau-se...I haven't finished yet," Rachel smiled widely, "see, you gotta line down what specific drawbacks that piss you off or freak you the most, then you use them to evaluate someone you cherish, or someone happens to have these problems and yet his relationship is great, in a nutshell, how others overcome with the pet peeves or turnoffs. I really think sometimes I could earn quite a beautiful amount of gold-galleon if I was a columnist."

"And that's how you did to Seb? After evaluation, which if I don't have amnesia, was A sheer MONTH, you just miraclely found out he's your beau?" Kurt asked, his voice was both curious and sarcastic.

"Yup, I had a BF instead of fake PR sweetheart so it helped."Rachel answered simply."Now don't be a chick, figure it out through these questions **AFTER** you call him for a date. It's just a dinner or something, don't make it like an international big meeting. These are just for your reference, since we all know you want nothing but a long-term relationship."

Then she stood up, kissed Kurt's cheeks twice per each, "I gotta go honey, I want this calling done tomorrow afternoon, don't you dare turn me down. Get up Seb, aren't you want to buy something?"

"Uh-huh" was all Sebastian could reply; he was too shocked for his girlfriend's SOP.

"Bye Kurt!" Hunter and Blaine waved by the door, then heading to their flat with hands intertwined.

"Bye, guys!" Kurt sighed heavily after they were all gone.

All they left Kurt was a sheet of pros and cons(and many other personal, redundant footnotes), and if Kurt had to confess something, he'd already made a list the first day before he met David Karofsky.

Simply because he was told there was a sweet gay guy happened to be his co-worker within at least three months, and simply because he was sick of being the one receiving "not-my-cuppa smile" continuously; simply because he wanted something happen in his 25-year-old-bachelor-but-thankgod-not-virgin life.

If everything needs to be started via a pros and cons list, then so be it.

Kurt turned on his heel to his bedroom, thinking nothing but how to ask David Karofsky out.


End file.
